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The thing is, though, anyone who knows
me understands that I'm not the type of guy to worry about other people
stalking me or potentially attacking me. About two years ago, my wife and
I were crossing the street (literally) on our way to a local shopping
center when a car tore in front of us (while we had the WALK signal),
missing us by inches. I yelled an expletive at the speeding motorist, who
proceeded to pull over and jumped out of his car with a black metal object
in his left hand. We argued for a moment, and then something jarred me on
the left side of my jaw. I staggered backward a step or two before
regaining my composure. It turned out that the metal thing in his hand was
a small gun (I think it was a .22 auto), which, before getting back into
his car, he aimed at me and said, "I ought to shoot you in the F@#&ing
head!"
The point? Well, after surviving that
incident and 9/11, not much scares me. (Except rats. I'm terrified of the
fuckers.) After my encounter with the psycho motorist, and following the
plastic surgery to repair the shredded inside of my mouth, I took to
carrying pepper spray everywhere I go. But not ordinary pepper spray, mind
you. I'm talkin' bout the heavy-duty stuff.
Earlier this year, when I was bumming
around Montana for a couple weeks, I went into a outdoors supply store in
grizzly bear country. There I purchased a "magnum" canister of pepper
spray designed to repel the 800-pound beasts. I now carry the spray in a
holster that goes across my chest.
So, to any would-be stalkers out there:
You are the ones who should be afraid. Very afraid.
Now, as for the other issue addressed
by my notstalking friend—-why
I haven't notwritten more often—-here's
the deal:
In a couple of previous entries, I
intimated that I take medication; and, in one of my letters to Mayor
Bloomberg, I said straight out that I was "in a manic phase" and couldn't
sleep. That was no joke.
You see, I have manic-depression. I'm
literally on top of the world for a week or so, and then I fall into an
abyss for a few days. In between my mood is fairly normal.
When I started notwriting.com about
six weeks ago, I was riding the high of a long manic cycle. During manic
periods, which sometimes last as long as three weeks, I can get by on two
or three hours of sleep and a Pop-Tart. Consequently, I can get a lot of writing,
painting, reading, and web stuff done in a short amount of time.
Then there are the depressive cycles,
like the one I've been in for the past week. When these come around (my
wife affectionately refers to them, like Churchill did, as "the Black
Dog"), I'm lucky I can brush my teeth, much less write entries for a
website that, in my depressed and irritated condition, I'm convinced no
one reads or likes anyway.
So, Dear Reader, that's the deal. I
appreciate your patience. I will do my best to notwrite more
often, however I ask for your understanding when the entries don't come as
quickly as you might like.
As a postscript, I got a return
message from United Airlines regarding one of the
emails I
sent them last week. I love it when they write back.
Dear Mr. Orcutt:
Thank you for your offer, but we must respectfully decline at this time.
We appreciate your taking the time to contact us.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Kupcho
Customer Relations
-----Original Message-----
From:
chris@orcutt.net [SMTP:chris@orcutt.net]
Sent: Monday, December 09, 2002 9:56 PM
To: united /manpdl
Subject: Customer relations email from Chris
Orcutt(chris@orcutt.net)
Customer relations email from Chris Orcutt(chris@orcutt.net):
MP#
Date traveled: 12/8/02 Flight number:666 From YAYA to YAYA - Dear
United Airlines Management:
I was wondering if you folks needed some more of that "speed tape."
Since you're filing for bankruptcy soon, I thought you might have a
little trouble getting it, so I contacted a buddy of mine.
I just happen to know the chief engineer for the U.S.S. Theodore
Roosevelt-an aircraft carrier-and he tells me that they use speed
tape all the time on little "holes" in the ship's hull. He says
that, for tape, the stuff is basically indestructible. Once, in the
Indian Ocean during Desert Storm, the entire ship cracked in half,
but he and his crew were able to hold it together until they reached
port by wrapping 7,000 rolls around the ship.
Anyway, they've got a surplus of the stuff, so if you want it, just
let me know. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Chris Orcutt
P.S.: What brand of speed tape are you guys using? Jack, my engineer
friend who I mention above, swears by 3M, but some folks like Scotch.
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Above: While they appear docile,
when they've got the munchies,
these beasts have been known
to break into cars.
Above: My handy stalker repellent.
Above: A bipolar person
currently in a manic cycle.
He thinks he's Frank Sinatra.
Above: The cover of a booklet
published by the National Institute
of Mental Health (NIMH).
If you
were expecting a funny caption,
sorry, sucker.
Above: The U.S. aircraft carrier
named after
the father of our modern navy, Theodore
Roosevelt. If he knew they were using "speed
tape" to repair holes in the ship's hull, he'd
be bloody pissed off.
Above: The author, still not writing.
He's out spraying a stalker in the
face with grizzly pepper spray.
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